An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!” So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?” “Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!”
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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others.”
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks”What”s your problem, Soldier?”Chronic syphilis, Sir!””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!””What”s your ambition?””To get back to the front lines, Sir!””Good man!” says the Major.He goes to the next bed.”What”s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic piles, Sir!””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!””What”s your ambition?””To get back to the front lines, Sir!””Good man!” says the Major.He goes to the next bed.”What”s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic gum disease, Sir!””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!””What”s your ambition?””To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two – Sir!”
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What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn”t believe in retaliation:1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.2. When he says “No,” ask, “Why not?”3. Wait until he says something to the effect of “Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence.”4. When he”s in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
