With a desire to help and inspire people around the world—Ashley currently blogs about life, psychology, purpose, spirituality, and more!
As a young 20 year-old woman, this is a topic that has crossed my mind several different times through my experience of adulting. Why doesn't anyone want me to succeed? Why is no one happy for me? For the longest time, I felt as if the entire world was out to get me—even my own family. Surprisingly, things weren't always this way.Once I began to have “tunnel vision” and chase after the things that made me happy in life, that is when people began to envy me.
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Why? Shouldn't people be proud of me? As pleasant as it sounds, this isn't always the case. Have you ever been told in your lifetime to never live your life based off of the expectations of others? That is probably one of the most valuable words of advice that I have ever received.
As unfortunate as it is to say, many of us beleieve in the exact expectations that we are told. Without trying new things, we've already considered ourselves “incapable” of succeeding in certain areas, based on other people's experiences. We take the words of other people for granted, give up on our dreams, give up on everything we beleieve— all because someone along the way belittled us.
What most of us do not realize, is that we are meant to exceed our limits in life, because that is how we grow as individuals. That is how we discover our potential, and achieve the desires, goals, and dreams that we set for ourselves. That is exactly how we live the lives that we want. Where we will one day look back when we are older and say to ourselves: I lived a fulfilling life.
1. Hierarchy Power
One reason as to why people do not want for you to succeed in life, is because of their personal need for control. Sounds silly, right? Most of the time, when other's see you doing “better” than them, it gives them a sense of discouragement. They fear that your success, will change the perceived views of the outside world—regarding their own success. This behavior tends to happen with those closest to us such as friends, family, co-workers, and so forth. When people have set expectations of who they “think” we are, or what they “think” we are capable of accomplishing, it makes sense as to why they would respond in a negative manner when we exceed those expectations.
2. Feeling Trapped
Another reason as to why people do not want for you to succeed, is because if you do, they begin to question themselves and feel “behind” in their own lives. So rather than them being inspired by your success and doing something positive, they bring you down in hopes that you don't get “ahead” of them. The cause of this reaction is because some people are simply just trapped inside of a low-level competitive mindset; And find comfort in the thought of you being below them.
3. Past Regrets
In some instances, some people have reached hard for their dreams, only to fall short, often times through no fault of their own. Chances are that the same people who put you down for your success already know what it's like to be belittled. Simply because they may have gone through similar types of abuse. The only difference is, they let those negative opinions of other's get to them which led them to give up on those dreams, or didn't beleieve they could accomplish great things. And often times, when those people see other people succeeding, it makes them reflect back on what they could have done differently.
4. Hidden Anger
Some people that notice your success, will recognize all of the hard times that you may have had to endure—to get to the point that you are at. They will understand that your success came with sacrifices—the one's that they were not willing to make. With that being said, a part of them may be angry at themselves for not doing everything that they could have done. Understanding that if they just had a little more perseverance and courage, potentially they could have been successful. Typically anger is a normal response in situations like this because of buried emotions and jealousy.
5. Misinterpreting Concept
It is known that if you work hard, your hard work will begin to pay off over time. However, if people have been working longer than you have, or work just as hard as you do, but you receive recognition and they don't—they begin to question different areas in their lives. These thoughts can often times set them in a crisis of behavior and self. Talking about your hard earned personal achievements isn't wrong, but not everyone is going to feel the same way, and that's simply just the sad truth. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with you, or your success, it has something to do with emotions that they are feeling within themselves.
There will always be moments in your life when you as yourself, am I capable of this? or will I be able to succeed in life? The answer is almost always “yes”, if you don't let the opinions of other's get to you.
The moment that you began considering whether or not something was possible, you have already given yourself sense of hope. If you truly didn’t believe it to be possible, you wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. The one thing that can stop people from fulfilling those questions, are our own self-doubt.
The important thing to do, is not take “no” for an answer. You should never base your sucess on the words and expectations of others, it is your job to find your limits and break them.
© 2018 Ashley Marie Riley
Daniel Sevan on April 28, 2020:
Thanks for your thoughts on this issue Ashley, this really resonated with me. I sincerely hope you exceed YOUR OWN expectations in anything you do. Because ultimately that's all that matters, everyone else can…
Joseph on February 28, 2020:
I strongly relate with your article. Right now i'm in the process of improving my mindset with principles and strategies and my improving my state of mind for success so I can start my own online business and make minimum 8k per month and I've noticed that the people who are closest to me never cheer me on because i'm going against the status quo.
When you do something different a part of them is thinking “Ah he’s going to do it or she’s going to do it. they're going to have a nicer car, bigger house, for family dinners we’re going to have to go to their house because it's nicer now. They’re going to pick up the bill when we go out to eat. I can’t even argue with them anymore.” They don’t want that.
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They see all that and they don’t want it because it’s a huge threat to their status and that even motivates me more! Of course a part of them wants the best for me in the long term but in the short term they don’t want it because they’re in that victim mode.
Latrice on November 19, 2019:
This is point on. Sounds like what a scapegoat would go through. I learned not to tell people what I will do in life to become sucessful. I just get it done. When I graduated from college, I was hearing less and less from my family. Then, as time went on it turned into conflict with some of them, just picking arguements for nothing. Needless to say, I cut ties with them, especially after being told to F**k off by one of them. I left them where they were. Years went on, I went on to publish my first book on Amazon in 2017. When some of them found out, that's when they called out of the blue, and one of them tried to manipulate me with guilt tactics to get me to talk to them again. The funny thing is, whenever I reached out to them to try again, they tell me that I'm not welcomed, and they would tell other members of the family that I was holding a grudge against them. It took me a while to figure out that they just want to keep drama going. All I can fo is pray for them. I love them, but not their B.S.
Ashley Marie Riley (author) from Ayer, Massacusetts on August 30, 2019:
Sara, I'm sorry that you are going through difficult times.
You see, when there are people in life that attempt to bring you down wether it be family, friend's, partner's, etc, a lot of the time it's out of jealousy.
People that have an abundance of negative energy reject positive people and positive thing's. Negative people will bring other's down because it brings them a sense of control which weirdly enough, makes them feel good about themselves.
Negative people like to see positive people suffer. Just like positive people like to see negative people overcome hurt, pain, and faliure.
This doesn't mean that all negative people are bad people. People that are negative once had dreams, happiness, strive, love, but lost themselves along the way due to trauma, unfortunate life circumstances, environmental, mental, and emotional factors.
What's important, is that you work on bettering yourself and to not let the negativity consume your energy.
I would reccomend reading self-help and personal development books. There are many many many successful people that came from little-to-nothing in life.
And with a toxic family, sometimes you have to walk through the doors of healing alone before bringing everyone and everything with you.
Sara on August 29, 2019:
What if in your family, your the only one who is the poorest, no job the one who has no friends or partner but still they want to see you totally destroyed. Why would they want to see someone with nothing fail.
lgnmendes on July 29, 2019:
Empowering article! I'm glad that I've read this by the time that I've strengthen my resolve to pursue my dreams whatever it takes.
Ruben Rosario on January 30, 2019:
Those are toxic Jealous people never waste your time talking to them about your goals and other ideas keep it to your self.and they won't bother even if they don't consider you what so ever never The rule are One. should be keep it silent at all time.Two. Never ask for approval or getting permission from anybody Three.Respect your own boundaries.
PoetikalyAnointed on December 01, 2018:
I applaud you for writing this Hub because you are 110% correct! It's so sad when loved ones just don't support you.because of their perceptions of you and/or their own struggles. No matter, it's.all.about their negativity and that's very dangerous!
We all need support from loved ones, especially young people. No one should be put into a box someone else's mind built!