If you’re afraid of letting go, it’s probably not because you’re really that in love with whatever you’re holding on to. When you get to the point of having to “hold on” in the first place, it’s likely that there’s enough crap to make the idea of a life without that person or thing a relatively appealing option. If you’re afraid to let go, or if you think you can’t, it’s probably because you fear the unknown. You assume that you’ll never find someone better.
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This is what happens when you’ve placed your faith in the world as opposed to in yourself. You assume that you won’t find love because you look around at the people you already know and see no viable options; you assume you’ll never find better because you can’t imagine what that looks like yet.
You didn’t expect the last person you fell in love with – or the person before that. It was a succession of people you never knew you’d meet and find and fall for. But you did. The thing is that if there’s a part of you that wants to let go, it’s the same part that’s also telling you that there is something else out there, even though your mind can’t hold onto what it is yet.
You have to realize that if you’re heartbroken and lost, it’s because you’re supposed to be. There are things you can only learn about yourself when you’re not mentally relying on someone else to give you a sense of self. There are choices you can only make when you feel absolutely lost and helpless, and often, they’re in the direction of the life you’ve always wanted, but didn’t choose.
Chances are, the relationship wasn’t that great – if you’re willing to see clearly, there’s probably more relief than sorrow in your life. If you didn’t try hard enough, it’s because you didn’t want to. If the timing wasn’t right, it’s because you weren’t ultimately right together. This does not diminish your worth, it just means you were set up in a mismatch. Now you’re free to do better.
All you are losing is an idea you had of what your future would be, or look like. That’s all. If you can’t fill that mental image with another person, it’s probably because it’s time to fill it with something else.
When you find yourself lost and reeling and certain that you’re destined to a foreseeable existence of suffering and sadness, see it as your wake up call to expand. Try things you’ve never tried, become someone the old you wouldn’t even recognize. This is not an accident, this is your becoming. It’s designed this way.
If you’re sure you won’t find someone better, then make yourself better, and trust that the person you’ll become will find who they’re supposed to be with.
Because if you’re worried that losing someone means losing your future, what you’ve really lost is yourself.